not that anyone actually reads this, but sorry for being lazy, lazy lazy. since last we met i discovered an even better salad place than the one i can never go again. this place charges you one flat rate for ALL THE INGREDIENTS YOU WANT. my first couple of times there i went a bit crazy. but when faced with the option to choose artichoke hearts and olives and roasted red peppers and sprouts and chickpeas AND CHEESE and not have my salad cost $87 dollars, well i just could not control myself. my salads weighed 7 pounds and the salad guys laughed at me, but it was so worth it. i’m really going to miss this place when i leave. see, in the midst of avoiding the creepy salad guy and running conference calls i got a new job. a staff job. with paid vacation. and benefits. oh, and the crappy publishing salary that i’m absolutely not complaining about because at least it’s a job that i actually think i’ll like. there were a couple of hairy moments there, like when i had to change out of my dead giveaway interview blazer into a much less suspicious sweater in the lobby of a chase bank. twice. those were some memorable times. but as of right now i have a mere 4 days left at my temp job before i start my brand new job that i hopefully won’t be laid off from in 3 months. i fully expect to get laid of from this future job at some point–still being in publishing and all–but i’m hoping to last at least a couple of years. here’s hoping.
i’m sorry February 17, 2009
whoops, looks like i went a long time without writing anything. so now we’re in catch up mode. again. where to start? do i tell you how i can no longer go to the salad place for lunch after the salad guy chased me down the street to give me his phone number? see, i thought we were cool when he asked me if i had a boyfriend and i lied and said yes and he responded by charging me full price for my salad. i thought, oh well, there goes my nice discount. but now? now i can never go back there again. he wants to be friends and hang out on the weekend. he told his sister about me. my fictitious boyfriend apparently didn’t work the way i’d hoped. this past week at work was a rollicking good time. the number of people in the office who talk to me is up from 1 to 3, so that’s good. 3 down, 77 to go. i also hosted my very own conference call. and by hosted, i mean i dialed the number and said hello before handing it off to my boss. i had the best day off today and am refusing to think about the fact that i have to go back tomorrow. though i feel guilty for even typing that sentence because above all else i feel very lucky to have a paycheck, i mean, job. of course, i’ve been working for 3 weeks now and still haven’t seen a paycheck, but according to my contract, they have 10 more days to pay me. sucks. especially because i singlehandedly kept bed, bath, and beyond in business this weekend. in two days i went there three separate times. and though i used approximately 8 20% off coupons, all of those curtains and sheets and baskets, oh and that power drill sure cost me a lot. and yes, i said power drill. anyone know how to use one of those things so i can hang up some shelves? i hammered three nails into my wall and so for the first time ever i have art on the walls. granted, said “art” is from b, b, and b, but it’s in a frame so it counts. i also ate out just about every meal and bought a new pair of shoes. so, as you can see i’m doing my part to keep this economy up and running. despite this little issue of the lack of paycheck.
a little of this, a little of that February 6, 2009
and holy moses, it’s almost friday. and that means that i can invoice for the past two weeks, which means that in another 2 weeks i’ll have my first paycheck. cheers to that. of course, in anticipation of said paycheck i’ve been spending money faster than sarah palin imploded (did i hear right? is she really calling “fringe group” on someone else?), but that’s what the promise of some money will do to a formerly unemployed, now semi-employed girl. my first week back to it dragged and dragged and dragged. i primarily interacted with myself, no one talked to me, and i drank copious amounts of water just so i’d have an excuse to get up from my desk. this week no one talked to me, i primarily interacted with myself, and i added tea to my large fluid intake, but in a surprise turn of events, this week flew faster than any week in recent memory. maybe it was the tea. the old saying goes, you learn something new everyday, so without further adieu, here’s what i learned this week (in no particular order): nothing makes me happier than a good hair day. nothing makes me more pissy than a bad hair day. except maybe a fat day. black beans are one of the world’s most perfect foods. i secretly love the cold weather and get a thrill when i wake up and see it’s 12 degrees out. if only i wanted to marry a salad guy, my life would be perfect. and scene.
that’s what she said February 2, 2009
last night as i was semi-watching the office, it dawned on me that i was experiencing the sad, sunday evening, weekend is over feeling that i haven’t felt in a really, really long time. for obvious reasons this feeling didn’t exist when the only reason i knew it was sunday was because brothers and sisters was on the tv. but i also haven’t had this feeling for a while because i loved my past job and going to work and so wasn’t so sad on sunday nights. i loved the people i worked with and felt fortunate to be able to see them everyday and hang out. and for the most part i enjoyed the actual work, too. except that week i had to edit a guide on bridge. oh, and also prenuptial agreements. and let’s not forget the guide on menopause that made me sad (and a little terrified) to be a lady. but i digress. now that work is more work and less hanging out, that old sunday night feeling is back. of course, there are benefits to this job, too. yes, namely a paycheck, but this job has its pluses along with its minuses.
Thing I like about this job: it’s a 10 minute walk from my apt to the office.
Thing I don’t like about this job: it’s so boring to work 10 minutes from my apt. i liked walking through parks and different neighborhoods on my way to work
Thing I like: my cube area is fairly nice and gives me a little more privacy than i’m used to after working in an office where my computer screen was in full view of just about everyone.
Thing I don’t like: my cube is right outside my boss’s office so she walks by me and my computer screen about eleventy million times a day.
Thing I don’t like: the neighborhood blows and there is only one place to go get lunch.
Thing I like: the lunch place is relatively cheap and the guy who makes my salad calls me sweetie.
Thing I like: kitchen vending machine
Thing I don’t like: overscented bathroom
Thing I like: because I haven’t been here that long my desk is still uncluttered and clean
Thing I don’t like: no one has any idea who i am or where i came from
but as i say to myself everyday as i walk out the door, at least i can afford to buy gum again.
employed and it sucks February 2, 2009
dear blog,
good monday morning. sorry i have been neglecting you. we have so much to discuss: the fact that my skin seems to be on two rotating cycles of chin zits, clear skin, chin zits, clear skin, and repeat. what can i do about this? having to worry about pimples and wrinkles at the same time just doesn’t seem fair. oh, and also that seemingly batsh*t insane woman who had octuplets after already having 6 kids, who is a single woman, who lives with her mother. the only thing i’m still wondering is who is her even more nutso doctor? and, sigh, the jessica simpson great weight gain event of 2009. my god. leave the poor girl alone. it’s not like she’s a famous trainer or the spokeswoman for a particular diet. or oprah. yes,i realize she used to be a lot thinner and it’s a celebrity’s job to look good. but i still think she looks good. if you plopped her in the middle of any city in america, she would be turning heads left and right. so, maybe she doesn’t look quite as great as in her dukes of hazard days, but i don’t think she’s just sitting home on the couch eating vanilla swiss almond ice cream and watching general hospital (ahem). i’m sure that in order to be that skinny before she was working out an insane amount and starving herself, behavior that just can’t be sustained forever, especially without the use of drugs. (see lindsay lohan) the thing that makes me the saddest is that soon jessica is going to be on the cover of some magazine proclaiming she loves her curves and talking about how healthy she is. and then 3 months from now the same magazine will run a story called How Jessica Got Her Body Back and she’ll tell us how she simply added running to her exercise routine and started eating more lean protein, when in actuality she will have been working out for hours and starving herself again. i don’t know why we are so obsessed with the weight gain of young women, but it’s not good. and it’s not as though jessica simpson had disappeared from public after her divorce from nick and then re-emerged looking like kirstie allie. though i might have railed about that too, i would have at least understood the tabloid story appeal there. enough about that, blog, i haven’t even gotten to tell you about my foray back into the world of work and how weird it is. most of the time i sit and my computer and pretend to be really busy when i see my boss coming out of her office. hopefully things will eventually pick up but for now there’s not much for me to do besides play on the internets and click on to my work email when someone walks by. and is there anything more uncomfortable then being the bathroom and hearing um, well, bathroom sounds from your stall neighbor and then having to make weather talk with said stall neighbor while washing your hands? the answer is i don’t think so. but it’s only been week one, so who knows.
deep thoughts January 23, 2009
i was just watching tv and one of the characters turned to a dying man and said, “i hate to see you like this.” and i thought to myself, for serious? that has to be one of the most cliched lines in the history of writing. do people even say that? i would imagine if i was tending to a dying friend, the likelihood of me saying, “i hate to see you like this,” is pretty slim. moving on, i just saw reports that the ceo of merrill lynch is stepping down after reports surfaced of his spending 1.22 million dollars of company money to furnish his new office. expenses included s $87,000 for a rug, $28,000 for curtains, and $11,000 for what i think was fabric for a roman shade. oh, and while he was doing all of this spending, his company was in financial crisis and people were losing their jobs. um, WTF? i seriously and honestly do. not. get. it. if he was spending his own money on this gross excess, fine, but the company’s money? these days? now my question is this: was he always a complete a**hole or did coming into money and power change him? i choose to believe john edwards truly was a good guy until he stepped into power and bam, big fat jerk alert. same quandry john thain? or am i just being naive about dear old john e? either way, this insane spending is just infuriating. especially when i’ve spent the week at decrepit public schools with security guards posted at the entrances and paint peeling of the ceilings. an $11,000 curtain is revolting and despicable and there shouldn’t even be such a thing. somehow we need to make investing in disadvantaged kids more of a status symbol than a fancy rug and luxurious curtains. and yes, it’s great that our country finally elected a black president, a man with such a humble beginnings, but we are still the country of $1,400 garbage cans. and ahem $125 million dollar inaugurals. and now i will dismount from my high horse.
high points and low points January 21, 2009
what a day, eh? i have to say, as exciting as it was to usher in our first black president, who also happens to have a phenomenal wife and the most adorable first kids ever, and who is also thankfully so smart and good, the high point for me was seeing bush climb into his helicopter and go bye bye. my hatred for the man (and his cronies) runs deep and i am thrilled i’ll never have to change the channel during one of his press conferences ever again. i doubt he reads the paper and i’m sure he’s been insulated from so much of the criticism directed at him, but he has to have seen the gargantuan crowd gathered out there today and thought, hmmmm. GOOD RIDDANCE. unfortunately today also came with a low point in the hospitalization of ted kennedy. it’s just so, so sad. i celebrated the inauguration by gorging on jelly bellies. just. can’t. stop. eating. them. but my favorites were the candy red apple ones, which i felt was a very patriotic choice. speaking of, i sort of liked that michelle didn’t wear some dreadful blue or red get up. did i love the yellow? no, but i did love her one-shoulder ball gown. when bush was sworn in, no one knew how far we’d fall. i hope the reverse is true this time. but next time, no horrible poet please. thanks.
re-entry January 20, 2009
so, it appears as though i’m about to join the world of work again. as i bid adieu to the worst president ever, i will also be saying adios to spending entire unshowered days on the couch in my pjs. i am most concerned with the whole issue of waking up at a reasonable hour. 8 am now feels like the middle of the night so i am worried. also, i’m not sure how my body is going to respond to regular bathing. maybe that pesky backne will clear up. unfortunately, my budget for deodorant, shampoo, and soap will have to go way up. in anticipation of a paycheck i have spent the last few days hemorrhaging money that has yet to be earned. i went out to lunch. i went out to dinner. i bought wine. i took a taxi. i went out to lunch again. i spent a small fortune at whole foods, trader joe’s, and the regular grocery store. i bought late night pizza. i bought mascara and lightbulbs. i bought a dress. i bought a cashmere sweater. in my defense, said sweater was $35. and it was cashmere. so, as you can see, though i have not yet started working, i have already spent my first paycheck. the day that i realized i would be working again i met a friend for drinks. and then in an unexpected turn of events i was taken to a spontaneous dinner at nobu. the food was good but not nearly what i would expect from nobu. the dirty martinis on the other hand, now those were excellent. and reportedly $18. each. but luckily i was being treated. sometimes unemployment pays off. before i start my official assignment next week i will be doing some work that will require me to be at the office by 7. in the MORNING. considering i had to force myself to get out of bed at 10 this morning, i don’t think it’s going to be pretty. but i’m not complaining. well, actually, that is exactly what i am doing. but i feel lucky to be complaining about this instead of say, having to move back to my childhood bedroom at the age of very late twenty something. or having to stand on the wing of a plane in freezing temperatures AND lose my luggage on top of it. so, sayonara bush and sayonara soap operas…at least for now (well, sayonara bush for good. thank god and goodness)
goodbye to the worst president EVER January 20, 2009
goodbye to ignorance and stupidity. goodbye to the war on science. goodbye to poor grammar. goodbye to the world’s worst decider. goodbye to unfair tax cuts. goodbye to doofy expressions. goodbye to sending kids off to die for no good reason. goodbye to big dick cheney. goodbye to leaving people to rot in the aftermath of hurricane katrina. goodbye to an assault on women’s reproductive rights. goodbye to arrogance of the highest order. goodbye to not giving a lick about those who are less fortunate. goodbye to a complete lack of intellectual curiosity. goodbye to divisiveness. goodbye to being the laughingstock to the rest of the world. goodbye to blocking stem cell research. goodbye to lies, coverups, cronyism, and sheer idiocy. goodbye to mispronouncing nuclear. goodbye and good riddance. may you get yours.
but p.s. if the celebrities could stop crying, i’d appreciate it.
APPENDIX: Evidence of ignorance, stupidity, and lies. oh, and DELUSIONS.
Exhibit A: “We’ve been blessed to work for a phenomenal president,” he said to cheers. –Andy Card
Exhibit B: “If ever there was a group to leave government with their heads held high, this is it.” –Josh Bolten
Exhibit C: ”This is objectively the finest group of people ever to serve our country,” he said. “Not to serve me, not to serve the Republican Party, but the United States of America.” –George Walker Bush
obama and the conservative pundits and chili January 15, 2009
next week at this time obama will be our president. hallelujah and praise be jesus. he will have to deal with our ruined economy, the middle east situation, iraq, oh, and osama bin laden. if this whole thing works out, obama can thank george and dick for creating the conditions under which his full potential could be realized. hopefully he will shine in the olympics of picking up the shitty pieces and will emerge from these dire straights as one of the best presidents in history. and that will contrast nicely with dubya’s legacy as one of the worst. in preparation for his new job, obama had lambchops at george will’s house with a bunch of conservative columnists like peggy noonan and william kristol. though the dinner guests were conservative, many of them had spoken out against at least one of the members of the bush, mccain, palin trifecta, so for this reason i’m not getting too worked up about it. yet. as an unemployed laborer i was, however, disappointed to see that obama was abandoning his plan of giving tax credits to those companies that create new jobs. that being said, i was heartened to see that despite this absurd rick warren situation, obama’s spokesman says that obama still plans to eliminate the even more absurd military don’t ask, don’t tell policy. cheers to that. also cheers to my activities today. but first: gross out alert. prepare yourself in three…two….one….about oh, two months ago i made broccoli leek soup. i believe i even blogged about it because i was proud of myself for performing a normal activity and not just stewing in my own filth on the couch. so anyway, i made the soup and enjoyed it all week. on day 6 i wanted nothing to do with the remains of the soup, so i literally did nothing with them. they sat in the pot in the fridge. where they have remained until, oh, 12 hours ago. yes, that’s right, i’ve been harboring a pot of broccoli soup in my fridge since early november (at least i think it was november, it could have been october). it stayed there when i went home for a week over thanksgiving and it remained there all 10 days i was in florida. to my great relief it never started to stink. i like to think that if it had i would have dealt with the situation. yes, yes, i definitely would have. but back to it. why did i man up today? well, in a major wave of inspiration, i decided i wanted to make chili. one problem, my lone pot was growing fungus in the fridge. so, i sucked it up, plugged my nose, and went in. and actually, it wasn’t that bad. the odor didn’t bowl me over or even make me dry heave. victory. of course, the pot is still soaking in the sink, but that 2 month old fermented soup is outside in the garbage. and as an added bonus, i actually have room in my fridge again. points all around. i then headed to trader joe’s and whole foods to gather my chili ingredients. hopefully i won’t be discussing this chili again in two months. let us hope that instead of discussing calcified chili i will be celebrating two great first months for obama. oh, and p.s. i really hope i won’t be discussing my continued unemployment. or sarah palin.
